EDGE'S Top 5 Funniest One Million Moms Stories of 2013

Wednesday Dec 25, 2013

It was a busy year for a stalwart group of 61,166 mothers who erroneously and optimistically go by the name of "One Million Moms." The self-proclaimed media watchdog American Family Association offshoot organization spent a good part of 2013 hopping from one crisis to another.

Unlike past years, where the "moms'" campaigns were almost solely focused on boycotting department stores and media groups for hiring LGBT spokespeople or showing positive depictions of non-traditional families, 2013 will go down as the year that One Million Moms expanded the hit list to include cartoons, penises and pubic hair. With campaigns against Kraft, Kmart and Norelco for suggestive phallic advertising, we're constantly left wondering -- "How did these women ever become 'moms' to begin with?"

Here is EDGE's list of the top five most ridiculous One Million Moms campaigns of 2013. Thanks for the laughs moms, and keep 'em coming in 2014!

05. The War on Walt Disney World

In May, OMM targeted the Walt Disney Corporation for not putting a stop to the annual Gay Days at Walt Disney World. On their website, they warned followers: "There will also be transvestites dressed in drag showing their support for the event. This event is planned with the intent to expose and desensitize children to this lifestyle by same-sex couples holding hands, hugging and kissing. In short, a Gay Day participant's main goal is to be seen versus seeing Disney World." Thanks for the 'heads up,' moms! With an endorsement like that, we'll definitely be in attendance next year!

Read about it HERE

04. The War on "Manscaping"

A week before condemning Mickey Mouse, the moms declared war on pubic hair over a TV advertisement by shaving company Norelco that itself declared war on public hair.

According to the moms, "The new Norelco commercial goes beyond a close facial shave to body grooming well below the chest and back," the group said in their complaint. "This commercial went WAY TOO FAR! During the commercial, it shows a man trimming hair in different areas of his body. Toward the end, it shows him standing with his boxer shorts down with hair falling to the floor as he uses the hair trimmer. It is implied that he is shaving in his private area." We guess the moms prefer a more retro "70s" look. Kinky.

Read about it HERE

03. The War on "SheZow"

Not since Jerry Falwell outed purportedly gay Teletubbie Tinky Winky has a children's TV program been so ridiculously attacked.

The show under fire this time was the cartoon "SheZow," aimed at kids 6-11 years old. The program follows a 12-year-old boy named Guy Hamdon, who has a female crime-fighting alter ego called SheZow. Hamdon turns into SheZow by putting on a magic ring and shouting out the catchphrase, "You go girl!"

The moms' complaint read, "Everyone knows children are drawn to animated shows; both boys and girls love superheroes. This character especially will appeal to both boys and girls since the superhero represents both genders by cross-dressing and being transgendered." Thanks for putting this show on our radar, Moms. "You go girl!"

Read about it HERE

02. The War on Salad Dressing

Multiple uses of asterisks only punctuated the comedy in OMM's campaign against Kraft over a print advertising campaign for their salad dressing, featuring a scantily clad man on a picnic blanket.

The rant read, "Last week's issue of People Magazine had the most disgusting ad on the inside front cover that we have ever seen Kraft produce. A full 2-page ad features a n*ked man lying on a picnic blanket with only a small portion of the blanket barely covering his g*nitals. It is easy to see what the ad is really selling."

The real comedy came a few months later in August when Kraft ran a second series of racy ads. "[One Million Moms] generated so much interest in advertisements that had already run their course, breathing a second life into Zesty," photographer Douglas Friedman says. "It inspired the entire creative team to make this next series of images even better and to push it a little farther."

Check out the first ad HERE

See where their outrage got them HERE

01. Kmart, Joe Boxer and the War on Balls

After waging previous wars of retail giants JC Penney and Macy's over LGBT inclusive advertising, you'd think these "moms" were running out of places to shop. Our favorite One Million Moms campaign of 2013 was their "war on balls" for a Kmart commercial that features a group of hunky men jingling their -- uh, bells to the tune of "Jingle Bells."

In their complaint, the moms wrote that the ad was "not only offensive -- but this once family department store has made a deliberate decision to produce controversial advertisements instead of wholesome ones. This is a terrible plan on Kmart's part, especially at this time of year!"

Apparently Kmart's plan wasn't that terrible. The commercial went viral and has been viewed more than 16 million times. In realistic terms, that means that for every one of the 60,000 "One Million Moms" who didn't like the commercial, there were 266 people who did.

Read about it and watch the video HERE


  • GT, 2013-12-26 17:09:25

    I look toward to this years list from the 1million frustrated old spent fat chicks.

  • GAG'EM, 2013-12-28 18:38:34

    Are we sure the OMM aren’t really a radical lesbian satire comedy troup? They do such a good job. I can’t wait til they condemn the pope for crossdressing in his long white gown.

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